Next Year

So, this year has been spent mainly thinking about next year, which is ironic in a way because by planning next year in such great detail we have all argubly lost a year in the process. I'm pretty much sorted, as are most people, which is great because its one less thing to worry about. But at the same time I really don't want it to come. Of course I can't wait to move on with my life and put myself out there, its inevitable and a rite of passage of sorts, but everytime I think about all the people I'm not going to see every day it tears me apart a little. Perhaps because of the lack of security, or the fear of the unknown, going somewhere where I know absolutely noone, but I just don't feel ready to let go of what I've got right here yet.

It's so easy to say "Oh yeah of course we'll stay in touch" or "We're in the same city, we'll be just as close," but how easy is it going to be to keep up with that. Several of my friends are going to the same university, and I envy them that because they'll be able to stay just as close, and see each other every day or every other day if they want to. I don't really have that luxury, as I'm living at home next year, and deep down I'm just a little bit terrified of going off to this strange place every day and not fitting in, and being unbearably lonely. Undeniably everything is going to change next year, some things in a good way and some things perhaps not. I'm in a long-term relationship and I have absolutely no idea whether its going to work out, and I think that whatever happens, there is no stopping the fact that at some point at least one, if not both of us is going to get hurt in some way, if only by the separation.

But for now, I just hope that I can spend the summer making the most of every minute with the friends I have at the moment, because as much as none of us want to think about it, for some of us it may be the last time we spend a lot of time all together. And that's what gets me. There are certain individuals who the thought of not seeing on a regular basis really gets to me. But in a wau I guess I'm just incredibly lucky to have found friends that I feel that way about.

Shit.

Is something I'm entirely full of.
I was thinking about this earlier.
People ask me for advice every now and then, and I'll happily give it, but I'm a complete hypocrite because I'd never follow it myself, even if I do think its the best thing to do.
But who actually does?
At the end of the day I think I'm just lying to myself in the same way that I lie to everyone else when they ask whats on my mind. Because there are plenty of things that I simply don't want to think about any more, and yet do regardless. Whether that makes me more full of shit than everyone else, I don't know.

Friday.

This is a loving depiction (literally a 5 minute doodle, I couldn't even be bothered to colour it in properly) of the car I drive about (only as a learner sadly.) It's my mum's, and doesn't look half as bad as I've drawn it, this shows the inside out. Me and my sister call it the pigeon. Why? Because its grey and shitty. The gear box is intermittent, the wing mirrors move inwards as your journey progresses, and the clutch bite point changes when it feels like it (according to my dad this is because one of the metal brackets holding the clutch in place bends in and out freely (a comforting thought.) But I actually love this car, in a strange way. I've gotten used to driving it, and I love it now. It's like a friend, of the grey, metallic, vehicular sort.
ALSO.
What's with the new facebook layout? I'd only just about got to grips with the old one, then all of a sudden it changes. Mind you I'm a technophobe so it's a mean feat just managing to turn the computer on some days. I'm proud to say I'm better at the whole computer thing than my nan though, so I'm succeeding on that front, if you count being more technologically able than a 73 year old woman as a success...

The Rut

I've posted so many blogs today. I just have a lot that I want to say I guess. I don't think it's helped that I haven't been to school since Monday, I've been cooped up all alone asides from two visits to the doctor to dicuss my sex life (which turns out to be totally unrelated to what's wrong with me anyway.) But maybe its being alone thats left me to think so much, with noone to talk to my brain goes a little over-crazy sometimes.
I have been in a wonderful relationship for 8 months and 1 day now. I wouldn't change a second of it and I love the guy I'm with with all my heart. His name's Sam by the way. But I do worry about getting stuck in a rut. About getting too comfortable with each other and ending up in a routine relationship and just accepting it. Don't get me wrong there's nothing really wrong with that, but I often wonder if these things just get to a point where you're only together for the sake of it, you say "Goodnight, I love you," but its just empty words based on a routine. I'm not saying that this is what my relationship is like, at all. I just worry that maybe one day it will be. From an outside perspective that is what marriage looks like to me. What it all boils down to is that I struggle to imagine being with someone for that long (I'm talking decades) and just staying with them, and every day being different. Maybe its just a naiive perspective, but I swear that every married couple just stays in, does the same thing day in, day out, maybe has a bottle of wine and watches X factor on a Saturday night but doesn't do anything that furthers their relationship. Maybe it gets to a stage where you don't need to. Where the love you feel is so unconditional that nothing challenges it. Or maybe you just settle into the aforementioned routine. I guess we'll see. (I'll reblog on the subject when i'm 40.)

Ribena.

is the best drink ever. You'd think having just turned 18 I'd say something like Fosters (don't get me wrong I'm a huge huge fan, despite some argument) but nahh. I actually don't like drinking that much any more. I almost feel like I've outgrown it a bit, which is weird. I mean, if I go out and don't drink it's not a big deal, but if I don't have at least 2 cartons of Ribena a day, I just don't function properly.
Does that count as addiction? If so, at what point does it become unhealthy? It's full of antioxidants (what actually are they?) and it's not like smoking, I don't think you can get Ribena-related cancer.
Or can you? It might have aspartane or something in it, and according to the Daily Mail pretty much everything you lay your eyes on nowadays is going to give you terminal cancer any minute now.
It makes me so mad.
I think of all the people that come into Lush (one of the places I work) and grill me on how much we use something called Parabens (preservatives) because they've read all these scare stories on how if they use anything with even the slightest hint of a Paraben in they're going to drop down dead. It's stupid really, because I then have to talk them through the fact that if there are any parabens used, there's less than 0.01% used in the product, and the ones we use (Methylparabens, Propylparabens) have been around since the 1930s, and there have been no news scandals to date about human deformation or fatality due to it, so why bother frightening the british public??
ANYWAY. The point is, I reckon I'll have had too much Ribena if I turn into a giant blackcurrant, with skin the same colour as my hair. But until then I reckon I'm safe.

neon peek-a-boo

I messed with this one to make the colours brighter, it's just me mucking about with the playing card idea again (told you I'm hooked.)

Players

These use the playing card theme (I've really gotten into that so used it a few times) and links it to players. The point is, they're waiting for the right card, or guy or girl, to come up, and they'll just work their way through the pack, discarding other cards carelessly as they go.